It’s not about “plenty of fish,” but the RIGHT fish.
We’ve all heard “oh, there are plenty of fish in the sea” when it comes to dating. But, when was the last time you heard the story of someone catching hundreds of tiny little minnows?
No. You want the catch. You want the one you couldn’t possibly let go. The one you’d do anything to reel in.
Here are 10 signs to look out for.
1: She stimulates you…intellectually.
There is no denying that, as men, appearance is what initially draws us to a woman. It’s difficult to spot a great personality from across the room. Sure, some relationships are based strictly on attraction — but they never thrive, flourish, or last.
When conversations lack depth or intrigue, we often fill our time with physical activity together (because, uh, there’s nothing to really talk about) but it is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship with someone on that alone.
Being intellectually challenging and having the ability to hold real discussions about meaningful topics provides us with more avenues to build a bond, a connection, and explore someone’s identity and purpose.
It also prevents boredom. If we hope to build a future alongside someone, life is going to be multi-faceted and bring us through a variety of phases. Our interests will shift, the world will change, and we will need to evolve and acquire new skills in order to adapt to the new stages of our life and relationship.
Choosing a partner who is intellectually challenging will keep us driven and motivated to excel. We can inspire each other, learn from each other, and grow with each other.
2: She shows empathy.
The truth about relationships is that they’re not always sunshine and rainbows.
This is also the truth about life and the reality we live in.
There will come a day — whether it be tomorrow, or 20 years from now — where we face a loss, or struggle, or challenge, or personal tragedy.
Choosing a partner whom you know you can rely on for emotional support and empathy will fundamentally shift the nature of that experience.
Someone who won’t hold you close in your times of need will make you feel more alone than if you actually were alone, because they are the one you’d turn to when the world seemed to be falling apart around you.
You should be her support system and “backup generator” for emotional strength — just as she should for you.
Healthy relationships happen when two people can rely on each other to fill in the blanks.
3: She shows up consistently.
I will make this point until I am blue in the face — the Toyota Corolla is the #1 selling car of all time for a reason.
It’s not because it’s beautiful, or exciting, or sexy (sorry, Toyota).
It’s because it’s reliable.
You can count on it every single day to be there for you.
A good partner is going to be the same way: Consistent.
A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of ups-and-downs. Just like when building a house, we must first find solid, level ground to construct it on.
Consistency in a relationship is about being genuinely authentic. Showing up as one’s true self at all times, which is how you learn what you can expect from someone.
If you’re always on edge or wondering how the day is going to go, it’s very hard to fully commit yourself to someone. How can you trust that tomorrow isn’t going to be full of drama, arguments, or fights, after today was all warm and fuzzy?
How do you know someone will be there for you during the hard times when they only show up during some of the good times?
A lack of consistency is kryptonite for a relationship, no matter the gender of the partner.
4: She makes you feel special.
The truth is that we all need to feel cared for, special, and loved in our relationships in order to be genuinely happy in them.
If someone isn’t proud to be with you, doesn’t show you they appreciate you, or isn’t grateful for all you do for them — why are you with them in the first place?
Mutual respect and adoration is key in relationships — as is expressing it to your partner.
A good woman will appreciate all you do for her and reciprocate in the ways that she shows, and you receive, love.
5: She supports you.
Your success has a lot to do with the partner he chooses in his life.
Imagine pursuing a goal, or hope, or dream — and having your partner minimize it all the time. Or doubt your abilities. Or telling you to “be realistic” or “just do something safer.”
Imagine trying to tell her about your day, or celebrate an accomplishment, or share the excitement of reaching a new goal — and receiving no enthusiasm in return.
It is deflating, discouraging, and harmful to the relationship as a whole.
A woman who loves and cares for you is going to believe in your abilities, be there to celebrate your wins, and also be there to comfort you during your losses.
Knowing that she is there to cheer you on helps give you an added sense of drive and ambition. It enhances your purpose to know that someone is counting on you, and will magnify the excitement when you win.
6: She chases her passions.
A true all-star of a man doesn’t just want a cheerleader, he wants a teammate.
Someone who has her own goals, dreams, and ambitions…and chases after them relentlessly.
Think about what makes a championship team great. They are comprised of teammates who each have individual strengths and merge them together in order to win.
Couples can go further when they adopt the same philosophy: The team wins the game.
Choosing a teammate who is driven towards her own success will give you an opportunity to step in for support, encouragement, and shared celebration in return.
7: She laughs WITH you.
In point #2 we talked about the seriousness of life and how compassion and empathy are integral traits of a partner you can count on.
Life is ALSO full of shining light, beautiful experiences, laughing, joy, and celebrations.
Choosing a partner who shares the same level of enthusiasm for life as you do is going to enhance all of these experience ten-fold.
Being with someone who is a few notches below you on the “lust for life” scale is always going to pull you down to their level, as your smiles are met with their straight-faces.
Being able to enjoy life together is the very reason why “the juice is worth the squeeze.”
If you can’t reap the rewards of all of your work, what’s the point of doing it in the first place?
Enjoy life, enjoy each other, enjoy the ride — that’s what makes it all worthwhile.
8: She works to improve herself.
I believe every man should strive for greatness. He should fine-tune both his body and mind through discipline and regimen. He should always be seeking to level-up and become limitless.
One may ask, then, what sort of partner will a man like this look for?
The answer is simple: One with equal drive towards the same mission.
A woman who values self-education, mindset development, and self-improvement will always be on a journey of discovery and elevation.
This allows you to grow and thrive together, both as individuals and as a couple. It keeps things interesting, exciting, and fulfilling.
Any relationship where one partner is pursuing self-improvement, and the other is not — man orwoman — will eventually find too much of a gap between the two in order to reconcile.
When both partners are on a journey of growth, they will evolve and advance together.
9: She speaks her mind AND listens when you do.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without healthy communication.
Key word: Healthy.
The willingness to speak up when something is bothering you and also when you love something, is a necessary piece of building a relationship together.
An equally necessary piece is the willingness to listen when your partner wants or needs to do the same.
This means being open to hearing how another person is feeling without judging them or reacting before hearing their reasoning.
It also means letting someone know you love and appreciate them, and receiving their love and appreciation as well.
A relationship needs to be a safe emotional haven where we can share our deepest thoughts, feelings, desires, and fears. If we cannot do that, we will forever be holding back from being our truest selves and the relationship will suffer over time because of it.
10: She makes you want to be the best version of yourself…
…without changing who you truly are.
Being with a woman who you can envision a future with will light your soul on fire. You’ll feel a renewed sense of purpose, drive, and ambition — because your future is no longer just about you.
You’ve got the prospects of forever alongside someone laid out in front of you for the first time, and that changes everything.
It makes you want to do more, be more, and achieve more.
It raises the bar on your goals and on your own personal standards for yourself.
It shines a new light on what is possible and what you seek out of life.
It makes you see all of the places you’ve been falling short and look for new ways to improve.
It brings forth your true self and true strengths in order to live the most authentic life possible.
Her presence makes you want to become limitless, and her support empowers you to make it a reality.
If you’ve found yourself a keeper, do whatever it takes to keep her