Your self-talk tells the real story.
We often think of confidence as something other people see — it’s reflected in how we dress, walk, talk, carry ourselves, and treat the people around us. While all of that is true, outward projections are simply a result of our internal thoughts and feelings.
Sure, you can “fake it ’til you make it” and send a curated external message, but like anything else without a real foundation, it will eventually crumble and fall — even if that crumbling only happens when you’re alone.
Below are internal thoughts that truly confident people have, regardless of whether or not anyone is looking.
1: “I am conscious about my mental and physical fuel.”
Imagine that you purchase a high performance machine. Be it a car, or a boat, motorcycle, or performance machine of choice.
You cannot expect to put sub-par fuel in the machine and have it achieve peak performance.
The same goes for people — we must fuel our body and mind properly in order to maximize its output.
A HUGE key to confidence is both physical and mental health. Truly confident people are conscious and aware of what they’re feeding their body and mind because they know it affects their performance in all areas of life.
It also affects how they feel, and how they feel about themselves.
Real, healthy foods are the path to a sharp mind and a well-functioning body, and exercise and activity are their bedfellow.
Combine the two, and we create a clear minded and energetic self that is more apt to take risks, cut out negative influences, perform better in all areas, and have a generally higher sense of self worth and confidence.
2: “I am grateful for the life that I live.”
People who embody confidence and high self worth regularly practice gratitude. They are able to recognize and feel thankful for what (and who) is already in their life, which allows them to feel secure and content in their position.
Those who are always seeking something external, or comparing themselves to others, are going to constantly feel “less than” and slighted, because there is always somebody with “more.”
But, if we take the focus off of other people and turn inward, we can truly build an appreciation for the life that we have already built.
Pro tip: Implement gratitude journaling into your day and make a running list of all of the things you’re thankful for. At the end of the week, month, or year — just imagine all of the great things you’ll be able to recognize in your life.
3: “Being wrong doesn’t affect my worth.”
Truly confident people aren’t afraid to be wrong, because their identity and self-worth isn’t tied to being right all the time.
They know that nobody is right all the time, and when they’re not, it’s an opportunity for learning and growth.
True confidence is being able to welcome these opportunities and separate your own personal feelings from the factual topic at hand.
Someone who is always trying to prove themselves will fight to be right constantly, even if they’re not. They believe it will impact their value as a person if they don’t know the answer to something so they’d rather make it up and then fight for the fantasy rather than admit not knowing.
True confidence doesn’t have to prove itself. It’s willing to open its mind to new information and adjust its opinions and conclusions accordingly.
When we gain true confidence, we learn to tie our identities to learning and growth. Two things that can never happen if we always insist that we are correct.
4: “I know what serves me, and what doesn’t.”
Confident people aren’t necessarily out in the world saying yes to every little opportunity that comes up. Instead, they’re focusing on the things and people that are really worth their time and energy to invest in.
Discernment is a sign of real confidence, because it shows you have boundaries and standards. You won’t say yes to every single invitation, only the ones that are in alignment with your identity. If you’d be better off staying home than attending that event, you politely decline and enjoy your quiet evening. The juice simply wasn’t worth the squeeze.
People who are trying to win everyone’s approval will run themselves ragged trying to say “yes” to everyone and everything, because they think they’ll be excommunicated the moment they say no.
Truly confident people know their worth and that their time is valuable, and therefore doesn’t give it to people or events that don’t deserve it.
5: “I take responsibility.”
Confidence is willing to step up to the plate and be responsible for whatever happens as a result. Truly confident people want the ball right before the buzzer, and they’re willing to put themselves on the line for the whole team.
They’re confident enough to know they can win, but humble enough to understand they might lose — either way, the outcome will have some sort of value attached with it. Either a victory, or a learning experience.
This is how people with real confidence succeed over time, by putting themselves on the line over and over again and learning from the times that it doesn’t work out.
It’s also how they become the “go-to” for others to trust them, because others know they’re willing to take the swing.
“Let Susan do the presentation, she always nails it.”
“Take Doug with you, he’s our best closer.”
No matter what the scenario, the three words truly confident people are always willing to use are:
“I got this.”
6: “I‘m comfortable sharing the spotlight’.”
There’s a misconception that confident people are always in the spotlight. While it does take confidence to be the center of attention, many confident people don’t want or need to be the focus.
True confidence never tries to hold other people back because it’s not threatened by their skills or abilities. In fact, truly confident people are inspired by seeing others succeed and they strive to help them do so.
Only someone who doubts themselves will be intimidated by a person who might outshine them. When someone gets their worth from within, though, they don’t need to be the brightest star to feel good about themselves.
7: “Life is full of ups and downs.”
Here’s the thing: Being “on” all the time is not a requirement for being truly confident.
Confident people get frustrated.
Confident people fail sometimes.
Confident people get angry.
Confident people have “off” days.
Confident people lose their tempers.
Nobody is perfect, and not all of your days are going to be winners. But, people who are truly confident in themselves understand this and therefore are able to reflect on what went wrong, learn from it, and begin moving forward.
People who lack a true sense of confidence will be devastated and deeply affected by an “off-day” because it feels like the world is ending or that they’ve become a failure.
Confident people know that failure is an event, not an identity, and it is one that you can move past no matter what.
8: “I live on purpose, by purpose, and with purpose.”
What is your purpose? Your mission in this life? And, are you choosing to pursue a career or a hobby that supports that goal?
Confident people live in alignment with their identity and purpose because they’ve taken the time to look inward and define what that really is. They know the impact that they want to have on the world, and how they want to create something that is bigger than themselves.
And then, after they define it, they relentlessly pursue it.
9: “I don’t accept toxic or unhealthy relationships of any kind.”
Do you ever see a truly confident person who accepts poor treatment from others?
This is difficult because it could mean letting go of people who are close to you, or even related to you. But when you are fully aware of your worth, you’ll stop accepting treatment that doesn’t honor it.
Inevitably when we discuss this, there are comments focused around how some people are stuck in negative situations through no fault of their own, and staying there is not a reflection of this confidence.
While that is obvious, the points here are designed to outline the thought process of someone who is truly confident. Even if they are unable to take action in the moment, the understanding of their value is the reflection of confidence.
This is much easier to control early in the stages of dating, friendship, or work partnerships when we are evaluating those we seek connection with. If they do not rise to our standard of morality, ethical behavior, or compatibility — we will simply let them go.
10: “I am worthy.”
Here is the ultimate viewpoint of true confidence: Understanding that your value as a human being has absolutely nothing to do with what you do for a living, how much money you make, how many followers you have, how you dress, what you look like…
Your value as a human being is inherent within you, and there are no external factors that can diminish it.
People who are truly confident have internalized this reality and live accordingly. That is the underlying belief of all of their decisions.
They pursue the relationship they want because they know they’re worthy of love.
They ask for that raise because they know they deserve a higher salary.
They take the bigger risks because they trust in their own abilities.
They refuse to settle for less than they deserve because they know what they deserve.
None of this is rooted in what other people think of you or any of the factors mentioned above.
All of it comes from within yourself and is up to you to decide.
That’s why it’s called self worth, because it’s up to you, not the rest of the world