Balance is the key.
We often find ourselves overwhelmed with all of dating’s “do’s and don’ts”, but at the end of the day it’s just about finding balance and chemistry.
Balance is the key because life isn’t black and white. There are ebbs and flows, ups and downs, hots and colds, triumphs and challenges, lots of grey area.
There isn’t one single formula for relationship success — if there was — every couple who followed it would live happily ever after.
We need to make all of the pieces fit in order to find the middle ground, so…
Here are five important pieces of that puzzle.
1. She feels excited, but also stable.
Stability does not have to be boring, and adventure does not have to uproot your entire life.
Many relationships get stale because there is no excitement left, no thrill, no passion — and much of that fades because routine takes over and we become complacent.
No woman dreams of the day that her man stops doing the things that attracted her to him in the first place.
Romance shouldn’t fade after the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship. It should strengthen as your partner becomes an even more important part of your life.
We have a responsibility to step up and keep the romance alive.
Excitement and spontaneity can be found in everyday situations and often times, that’s where the most magical moments await.
We can build a strong and solid foundation for a life and relationship, and then, atop that foundation, add spark, romance, and intrigue.
Too much of one or the other, and the relationship can easily falter. Find the right balance, and she will feel safe without feeling bored.
2. She feels challenged, and also supported.
Weall know that men and women are neurologically, physiologically, and socially different from each other.
For that reason, we have different viewpoints, perspectives, and natural strengths.
Challenging her can be as simple as expressing your own personal opinions instead of crumbling at the first sign of conflict. She will respect your belief and conviction in yourself.
Supporting her often lies in working to understand her.
For example; The female brain is better at anticipating pain and detecting danger, so perhaps instead of thinking women are just being emotional and overreacting, we should pay attention to something she might be seeing before we are.
Knowing when to do each one can help strengthen your relationship as she feels like you support and value her ideas, but don’t sacrifice your own identity under the weight of them.
3. She feels empowered, but also protected.
Women are fully autonomous adult humans who are capable of taking care of themselves, but that doesn’t mean she wants you to stop being “the man.”
She still appreciates the effort you put forth to show that you’re capable and willing to stand with her when she needs you.
One of my female friends is a highly successful woman who stands over 6′ tall while in heels. One of the primary things she looks for in a man?
“He makes me feel feminine.”
Regardless of how confident or powerful a woman is, she still wants to know you’re willing to step up for her.
The proper balance says:
I know you’re capable of doing this yourself, but I’m still here to help if you need me.
4. She feels tempted, but also respected.
Sexual chemistry is of the utmost importance to any intimate relationship, but it needs to be established in a way that both people feel completely safe and comfortable with.
Society has fed us a false narrative that women’s sex drives are not as strong as men’s (they’ve done this by suppressing conversations, images, topics, and acknowledgments around a woman’s sex drive through public guilt and shame).
For this reason we need to find the balance between understanding that her desires can be just as strong as yours, but that neverentitles you to her body or her soul.
The flame of intimacy is best fanned with respect and love.
5. She feels sexy, but also safe.
Building a foundation of trust through communication and honesty helps to show your partner that she can open up and be her true self with you.
As we become more comfortable with a person, we are more free in expressing ourselves to them in all ways — physically and emotionally.
We don’t need long and complicated methods or strategies to build a happy and healthy relationship, we just need to find the right balance that allows both partners to feel secure and confident — in themselves, and in each other
Joseph A. Cornacchia