Actions speak louder than words.
The wishes of millions of women would come true if the brains of heterosexual men instantly evolved to have the desire and ability to express thoughts and emotions clearly and concisely.
Until then, though, not all hope is lost.
While not all men communicate their feelings verbally, there are still behavioral cues and patterns women can look for to know if he is serious about building a future together.
Here are a few to keep in mind:
1. He‘ll stay in touch.
A guy doesn’t have to be a stellar communicator in order to keep the lines of communication open with you. When you’re on his mind, he’ll send a text, invite you on a date, ask how your day is going, or call you just to hear your voice.
Guys who are really into you don’t run hot and cold. They don’t disappear for days at a time only to return with a “hey stranger” text. They stay in touch so they don’t have to get back in touch.
2: He‘ll do things to make your life easier (without you having to ask).
Do you know what guys don’t do when it’s “just a fling”?
They don’t go out of their way.
They don’t inconvenience themselves.
They barely compromise (unless they want something).
But — when they’re actually serious about a woman, they begin to prioritize her and her needs.
He’ll start offering to help you clean, or pick up those groceries you need, or have dinner ready when you get home after a long day…
He’ll start doing things to make your life easier.
Not because he wants something from you, but because he cares about you.
3. He’ll intertwine your lives.
One of the most important signs of a man’s interest is that he integrates you into his life and brings you around the people he cares about the most.
This is a sign that he’s merging your lives together and is willing to share the important things (and people) with you. If he continues keeping a distance between you and the core pieces of his life, that’s a red flag.
4. He’ll make you feel heard and listened to.
There’s a big difference between someone who just listens to you, and someone who hears you.
Any guy can sit and smile and nod while you talk about your day, or your parents, or your job.
But a guy who really cares will ask follow up questions, be intentional about his responses, and actively listen in a way that makes you know that he is present in the conversation.
5: He won’t shy away from PDA.
We all have different tolerance levels for public displays of affection, but even if that’s not your thing, the principal of this point still applies.
The idea is that he won’t try to appear available when you’re together.
Are you his sister? Cousin? Friend? It’s hard to tell out in public unless he’s holding your hand, has his arm around you, or is being affectionate.
No, I am not suggesting a guy should be smothering you in public at all times, but I amsaying that he shouldn’t intentionally avoid being affectionate for the reason of appearing single.
6. He‘ll smile after you kiss.
You know, that feeling…
7: He’ll accept your past without judgment.
This is a big one.
We all have a past. Some parts of it are prettier than others, but when taken as a whole, our past is what formed us into the person who we are today.
Loving someone — really loving someone — isn’t just about accepting bits and pieces of a person. Love is rooted in full acceptance.
Does this mean you have to like everything? Not necessarily.
Does it mean you need to be happy about every part of their past?
Of course not — but it’s not your past to judge.
What it does mean, is that a guy who pledges his real love to you is making the statement that he knows, sees, and accepts everything that made you who you are today, because that is the person who’s most important.
8: He’ll share HIS past with you, too.
How can you build a real connection with someone if you’re the only one sharing your most closely-held secrets?
How can you trust them in return if they don’t open up to you in the same ways that you do for them?
If a guy really loves you, a part of him will wantto open up and let you in.
It might take him awhile.
He may not know how to express it at first.
But he will start trying.
He’ll start sharing deeper secrets with you.
He’ll feel safer and more free.
He will understand that showing love is not just about trusting another person, but showing that you must be trustworthy in return — and sharing things he doesn’t share with anyone else is a great way to create that unique and emotional bond with the woman whom he loves.
9: He’ll value your input.
You cannot love someone if you don’t respect them.
And respecting a person means respecting their opinions.
If he does everything else right but never lets you contribute to his decision making, never asks for your advice or opinion, and never takes your perspective into account…it raises the question of whether or not he actually respects you as a person.
10: He’ll (happily) share in your interests.
Maybe he wouldn’t go do that thing you’re into by himself if he were single — but he’s not single.
When you love someone, you share in their interests as they do for you.
Most importantly, you do it in stride. You don’t bitch, or moan, or complain the whole time. That will simply lead to resentment as you’ve taken the joy out of something your partner loves.
He should show up with energy and enthusiasm, ready to do whatever-in-the-hell activity you have planned.
(Just remember, the enthusiasm should be returned when it’s his turn to choose).
11: He’ll openly talk about the future.
Men who think in the short-term will speak in the short-term.
If he can really see a future with you, though, he’ll have no problem talking about making plans a year in advance, or pointing out houses he could picture you living in, or…gasp…discussing baby names.
If he shuts down and changes the subject every time a serious life topic comes up, consider it a red flag.
12. He’ll make you feel safe.
Making you feel safe isn’t just physical, but also emotional. Safe opening up to him. Safe giving your heart to him. Safe expressing your truest self without fear of judgment.
A man who loves and cares for you will make you feel safe in all areas of life. He will never make you question whether or not he will be there for you in a time of need. A man who loves you will make you feel it in his own ways.
When he really cares, you will know it and feel it — if he doesn’t, you will be wondering all the time if he does
Joseph A. Cornacchia