He might not tell you, but I will
One of the most frequent comments I get on the countless articles I have about what women want in relationships, is: Hey man, what about what guys want?
After 10+ years of writing — primarily about what women want in relationships — I’m no stranger to the frustration of the lack of materialonline about what us dudes want (need) as well.
What’s more is, I believe some women are genuinely frustrated by the lack of communication that their partner gives, and they don’t know quite how to love him or what he’s truly looking for.
Men are conditioned to hide their feelings and “not be needy,” but there is a difference between being needy and having needs.
We all have needs in a relationship, so here are 8 to help you better understand your guy, because if he won’t tell you, I will:
1: Men want a teammate.
We are social creatures. I can at least speak for myself when I say that I enjoy going to many different types of events and spending time around a lot of different types of people. Just as much though, we enjoy a quiet night on the couch watching movies and ordering takeout.
While these things are great either on our own or with friends, it’s best to share them with the woman that we love.
I believe that any good man should take part in the things that you enjoy even if they’re not his first choice — but this cannot be one-sided, or he’ll always be left wondering why he accepts your invitations, but you never accept his.
Furthermore, having a teammate is about building a life together. When “me” becomes “we,” the two of you can set common goals, inspire each other to be better, and create the life that you both want side by side.
2: Men want to be supported.
An ambitious man who’s striving for more in life, personally and professionally, will be deeply influenced by the type of woman he chooses to be with.
This isn’t a matter of opinion, the studies prove it.
So, technically, this could be considered a need. Whether he is building a business, going back to school for another degree, or joining the gym for the first time in years — your support and encouragement just might be all of the extra fuel he needs to go all the way.
Any man worth his salt will support yourambitions and endeavors — so it’s only fair to do the same in return.
3: Men want to laugh.
Women know how attractive humor is and men know how attractive it is to women — but it also goes both ways. Men love a woman who can keep him smiling and laughing, whether it be during a text conversation that brightens his day or sitting on a park bench making up stories about people as they walk by.
Life throws us curve balls and is not always easy. We can be weighed down by many different things at a given time — our relationship should not be one of them.
4: Men want to make you feel good.
Good men find a sense of purpose in giving. Giving compliments, giving quality time, giving gifts, performing acts of service, and yes — giving in the bedroom.
Whether intimate or platonic, his intentions are the same: To make you feel good. It makes him happy, fulfilled, and gives him a sense of value in your relationship.
It makes him feel like there is space for him in your life, and that he is truly adding something that nobody else can.
Creating space for him to step into with this positive energy will keep him wanting to do more and more — as long as he feels that his efforts are appreciated.
5: Men want to provide for you.
We know, you don’t need us to do anything for you. You don’t need us to open the door or pull out the chair or go fill your prescription — but we want to. We want to because those are the small things we do to let you know we love you. Men are naturally providers as women are naturally nurturers.
By shutting us down and telling us you can do everything for yourself, you effectively take away our method of showing you that we love you. Many men are not great communicators (surprise), so they resort to their instincts to show you their love non-verbally.
6: Men want you to be proud of them.
If the person you’re with isn’t proud to be with you, then you’re with the wrong person.
If you’re not proud of the person you’re with, then you’re with the wrong person.
7: Men want stability.
Women are not the only ones who crave stability in a relationship. We want a woman who is a stable part of our lives because it means we know we can trust her and count on her. It means we know who we are coming home to. Too many fights or arguments or inconsistencies will have us wondering if we are giving our time, heart, and effort to someone that may not be in it for the long haul.
Notice I didn’t just say sex.
Yes, obviously men want (and need) sex (don’t we all?) — but sex is a barometer of the overall health of the relationship.
Sex strengthens the emotional bond between partners.
Sex is a sign of affection, love, and trust.
Sex makes people feel seen, attractive, and loved.
Sex lets you know when things are going great, or when there is emotional distance.
Sex is a way to build and maintain intimacy over time, and without it, the entire house of cards can collapse.
9: Men want to feel appreciated.
Perhaps the biggest point here. Any man worth his salt will put in effort to do things for the woman in his life, make her feel valued, wanted, and appreciated.
Not a “once in awhile” occurrence, but frequently and for no particular reason.
While no act of kindness should ever be done for the sake of a reward — gratitude is the fuel keeps the tank of generosity full.
It doesn’t matter how giving or kindhearted someone is, eventually, everyone gets tired of waiting to be appreciated and will leave to find someone who recognizes their efforts.
Show him how important the things he does are to you, and he will never stop doing them.
I could go on forever with things like communication, feeling safe, getting along with his friends and family, and a whole slew of others — so tell me in the comments, which of these are most important to you in a relationship?
Joseph A. Cornacchia