#2 — They know the difference between self-confidence and an overinflated ego.
Confidence is sexy. So is respect — both to others and to yourself.
We each have our own hopes and dreams and goals and plans. Each of us wants to feel heard, listened to, valued, and appreciated, and each of us wants to love and be loved, in some capacity.
But the modern dating world can be rough.
Unfortunately, there are a ton of guys out there who have a huge ego, no work ethic, and terrible listening skills. Some care more about their car than their significant other, sadly. (And no, of course I’m not saying all women are innocent — I know there are some very egotistical ladies out there as well).
But, some guys stand out from the crowd.
From my experience and observation, I’ve noticed these are a few things that make a man wildly attractive.
1. They listen, and actually remember what you said.
How many conversations have you had where it’s clear the other person isn’t actually listening? Or what about conversations where the other person barely lets you finish your sentence before interjecting with something about themselves?
It’s like they’re always trying to one-up you — and that’s never a good feeling. So many guys — and people in general — hear you but don’t actually listen. They might be physically there for the conversation but have no memory of what you said or how you felt.
It makes a difference when a man remembers things, and clearly was paying attention both to details and to you.
It shows he cares.
In one of my past relationships, my ex remembered what I said my favorite book was, went and read the book, then the next time we hung out, he showed up with a little paper elephant that was a symbol in the story only I would understand. I remembered talking about books but had no idea he would go to that effort to connect with me.
And obviously that was above and beyond (we’re not expecting you to necessarily go read a whole book to show your significant other that you care).
But the point is that actively listening, paying attention to her, and remembering small things makes a difference.
2. They know the difference between having self confidence and having an overinflated ego.
News flash to whoever needs to hear it — not everything is about you. And that goes for anyone, really, man or woman.
Confidence is sexy. Being self-assured is attractive because it tells me you’re comfortable enough with yourself to take risks, pursue what you want, take on life’s challenges, potentially open up, and overall just be yourself.
But an overinflated ego tells me you think you’re better than I am. And maybe better than everyone else.
If you’re trying to tell me or come across like it’s an honor and a privilege to be on a date with you, and you deserve to get whatever you want from me because you’re just that special — that’s a complete turn-off.
Please get off your high horse, and return to the land of us mortals who understand how to be normal humans appreciating each other’s company.
3. They do things for you without you having to ask.
There are some things that I struggle with. Realistically, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, right?
For example, working on cars is not my thing. I’ve tried to get better at fixing my own car — I used to have a Jeep and I went so far as to attempt work on it myself. It was, well, admittedly laughable. Not my strong suit.
Over time I’ve struggled because I hate it so much, and then along came a guy who loves cars and has no problem going above and beyond to make his own vehicle glide.
A month after we started dating, I came home from a run to find he had changed the oil in my car himself because it was overdue and he knew I hated taking it in.
Now, he takes care of things like that all the time. It’s not that I can’t take my car in — but he just takes care of it because he likes it, knows it will be a relief for me, and it’s something I will no longer have to worry about.
He does it because it’s something he can easily take off my plate. So he does it so I don’t have to.
And those are the kind of gestures that matter.
4. They actually care about things.
A man who has values and passions is a man who knows who he is. Not many women want a man who is passive, sits around like a blob not wanting anything and who doesn’t really care about anything.
You don’t have to know exactly what you want or who you are right off the bat — but do you know what’s really attractive?
- The fact that you have things that are important to you and you stand up for them.
- The fact that you have passion and want to pursue it.
- The fact that you care and aren’t afraid to show it — whether it’s caring about your family, your job, your hobby — the fact that you care at all means a lot.
Bottom line — it’s sexy as hell when you actually care deeply about things in your life.
5. They make you feel wanted.
And no, I don’t even mean sexually (though in the right circumstances, that can be a great feeling too). But please don’t go around expressing your desire to random women. It’s creepy.
What I mean is when a man makes you feel desired as a person, even if they’re already in a relationship with you. Like I said before, we all want to feel seen and heard, appreciated and wanted.
We want to know you love us, and that you like us as a person, too.
Tell her you appreciate her.
Tell her she makes your life better.
One of the worst feelings in the world, especially over time, is feeling taken for granted or brushed off by your loved one. Life is busy, stressful, and sometimes even chaotic, but taking the time to still make sure your significant other feels wanted and appreciated goes a long way.
One of the things I love about my man is that he’s not afraid to remind me that he’s glad I’m in his life, and that he’s excited about our future together.
Yes, sometimes it’s cheesy (though it doesn’t have to be), but I love it and it works.
Attraction is always going to be subjective, but there are certain things that tend to be turn-offs across the board.
A guy who sees you as an individual person, not just a woman, not just your profession, not just a significant other — that’s attractive. They acknowledge the different facets that make you you, and don’t want to hide or change them.
You shouldn’t have to become a different person to be someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.
Listening, doing small gestures that make her life easier, having things that you care deeply about, being confident but not conceited — those are all things that make a man stand out from the crowd.
Joseph A. Cornacchia